tarnish.net - the simpsons song lyrics archive



The "Cops: In Springfield" Theme
9F09 - 17th December 1992

Bad cops, bad cops
Bad cops, bad cops
Springfield cops are on the take
What what do you expect for the money we make?
Whether in a car or on a horse
We don't mind using excessive force
Bad cops, bad cops
Bad cops, bad cops

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Homer's Opening Song
9F10 - 14th January 1993

Simpson! Homer Simpson!
He's the greatest guy in history
From the...town of Springfield
He's about to hit a chestnut tree

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The Monorail Song
9F10 - 14th January 1993

[Lyle Lanley]   Well sir, there's nothin' on earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified, six-car monorail!
What'd I say?
[Ned Flanders]   Monorail!
[Lyle]   What's it called?
[Patty & Selma]   Monorail
[Lyle]   That's right, monorail!
[All chant] Monorail, monorail, monorail...
[Ms Hoover]   I hear those things are awfully loud
[Lyle]   It glides as softly as a cloud
[Apu]   Is there a chance the track could bend?
[Lyle]   Not on your life, my Hindu friend
[Barney]   What about us braindead slobs?
[Lyle]   You'll be given cushy jobs
[Grampa]   Were you sent here by the devil?
[Lyle]   No, good sir, I'm on the level
[Chief Wiggum]   The ring came off my pudding can
[Lyle]   Take my pen knife, my good man
I swear it's Springfield's only choice
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
Monorail!
What's it called?
Monorail!
Once again!
Monorail!
[Marge]   But Main Street's still all cracked and broken
[Bart]   Sorry, mom, the mob has spoken
[All]   Monorail! Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
[Homer]   Mono- d'oh!

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Flanders' Valentine Song
9F13 - 11th February 1993

If you think I'm cuddly
And you want my company
Come on, wifey, let me know
Whoo, woo, woo-wooooo

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We Are the Mediocre Presidents
9F13 - 11th February 1993

We are the mediocre presidents
You won't find our faces on dollars or on cents
There's Taylor, there's Tyler, there's Fillmore and there's Hayes!
There's William Henry Harrison - "I died in thirty days!"
We are the adequate, forgettable, occasionally regrettable
Caretaker presidents of the U.S.A!

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It Was a Very Good Beer
9F14 - 18th February 1993

When I was 17, I drank some very good beer
I drank some very good beer, I purchased, with a fake ID
My name was Brian McGee, I stayed up listening to Queen
When I was 17

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Lisa's Protest Song
9F15 - 11th March 1993

Come gather 'round children
It's high time ye learns
About a hero named Homer
And a devil named Burns
We'll march 'til we drop
The girls and the fellas
We'll fight 'til the death
Or else fold like umbrellas
So, we'll march day and night
By the big cooling tower
They have the plant, but we have the power

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Burns' Song of Lament
9F15 - 11th March 1993

Look at them all, through the darkness I'm bringing
They're not sad at all, they're actually singing!
They sing without juicers
They sing without blenders
They sing without flunjers, capdabblers and smendlers!

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The Adventures of Ned Flanders Theme Song
9F16 - 15th March 1993

Hens love roosters, geese love ganders
Everyone else loves Ned Flanders!
[Homer] Not me!
Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!

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Oh Whacking Day
9F18 - 4th April 1993

Oh Whacking Day
Oh Whacking Day
Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day
We'll break their backs
Gouge out their eyes
Their evil hearts, we'll pulverize
Oh Whacking Day
Oh Whacking Day
May God bestow His grace on thee

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Send in the Clowns
9F19 - 13th May 1993

Send in the clowns
Those daffy-laffy clowns
Send in those soulful and doleful schmotes by the bowlful clowns
Send in the clowns
[Sideshow Mel] They're already here

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Baby on Board
9F21 - 30th September 1993

Baby on board
How I've adored
That sign on my car's windowpane
Bounce in my step
Loaded with pep
'Cause I'm driving in the carpool lane
Call me a square
Friend, I don't care
That little yellow sign can't be ignored
I'm tellin' you it's mighty nice
Each trip's a trip to paradise
With my baby on board!

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Springfield, Springfield
1F06 - 18th November 1993

Springfield, Springfield!
It's a hell of a town!
The schoolyard's up and the shopping mall's down!
The stray dogs go to the animal pound!
Springfield, Springfield!
Springfield, Springfield!
[Sailor] New York, New York!
New York is that-a-way, man
[Sailor] Thanks, kid
It's a hell of a town!

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Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
1F10 - 10th February 1993

[Apu]   Whether igloo, hut or lean-to
Or a geodesic dome
There's no structure I have been to
Which I'd rather call my home...
When I first arrived, you were all such jerks
But now I've come to love your quirks
Maggie with her eyes so bright
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright
Lisa can philosophize
Bart's adept at spinning lies
Homer's a delightful fella
Sorry 'bout the salmonella
[Homer]   Hehe, that's okay
[Apu]   Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here's the tricky part
Oh, won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
[Marge]   Their floors are sticky-mart!
[Lisa]   They made Dad sicky-mart!
[Bart]   Let's hurl a bricky-mart!
[Homer]   That Kwik-E-Mart is real - d'oh!
[Apu]   Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?
Not me!
Forget the Kwik-E-mart
Goodbye to Kwik-E-mart
Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?
Not me!

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The Lobby
1F16 - 14th April 1994

Let's all go to the lobby!
Let's all go to the lobby!
Let's all go to the lobby
Get ourselves some snacks!

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Cool
1F21 - 12th May 1994

[Homer]   Now what you gotta do
If you wanna get a kiss
Is act real smooth
And make your move like this
<Yawns and puts arm around Grampa>
[Grampa]   Oh, I see. So if I take your advice
And make your patented move
Then my chances for love
Will slightly improve
<Grampa practices>
[Homer]   Hee, hee, hee
Now what's that rule?
[Grampa]   Play it cool!

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Homer's Under the Sea Song
2F06 - 27th November 1994

Under the sea
Under the sea
There'll be no accusations
Just friendly crustaceans
Under the sea!

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